dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
