She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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