she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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