if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
