I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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