My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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