I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
