Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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