eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
