the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
