What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Success! We fucked roommates!
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