yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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