you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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