I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
