next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
