my phone needs a breathalizer
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
