What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
