You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
