There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
