Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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