So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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