Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
