I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
