Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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