He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
