Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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