Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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