He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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