He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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