We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
