He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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