I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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