She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
