Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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