I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
