the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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