walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
