I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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