The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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