So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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