Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
