It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
