if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
