Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
