Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
