My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
