Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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