I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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