I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
