So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
