It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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