I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
