i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
