we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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